sanctification in the waves of doubts

hello blog/online diary and anyone that might stumble upon this!

i told a friend today something i've said a number of times recently, and i think it rings true, though i'm not sure if it's the best way to know what's true. with all the darkness in this world and all the darkness in my life and in my heart, i know there is an Enemy of my soul. tonight, amidst the frailty of my humanity and my foolishness, i'm reminded of the gift of having a moral conscience. it's not a conditioned shame response, but a recognition of transgression and the emptiness of said transgression. the utter insufficiency of things that promise satisfaction but lead to corruption and death. it's a recognition of the true ache and desire beneath and within and beyond these lesser wants.

i then find myself in a place of knowing there is Evil but not necessarily seeking or knowing He who is Good -- the Way, the Truth, and the Life. but, LORD help me, though i doubt and resign to apathy so often, to still believe that You are all around us and that Your presence is nearer than i can conceive.

if anyone reads this, i implore you to take a step back and consider what you are taking in and where it is leading you. awareness doesn't exactly equal change, but it certainly helps. and it helps tremendously more when Christ sanctifies you by His Spirit within you. i'm not really out of the waves of doubts i've been relatively lost in recently, but i'm hopeful, and i hope you are too.

♡

- william