dear brother,

 dear John,

the tears that won't come out are shredding my insides, the pain is gnawing away at my soul, the agony is beyond me. i listen to "runaway" by Jess Ray and as i ache, I think over and over "I'm so sorry", "I'm so sorry I failed you." I hear of Christ's unconditional, steadfast, relentless, eternally forbearing, utterly compassionate love for you. In every writhing moment of agony, HE was with you, and you are with HIM as I write these very words. I grew to, in some ways, despise you. I was ignorant, selfish, cold-hearted, blind to your pain. I am so sorry. I know it's all over now, and, because I know you, I know you would or have forgiven me. I just have to let this out because it's too much. There is nothing to express the infinite depths of the love of Christ and the cosmic miracle of HIS deliverance, HIS salvation of you. That's all I have for now. Love you eternally ❤

always your little bro,

-- william